


Imaginary Advice

by DistracttheGoddess



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Monologue, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 20:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14984753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistracttheGoddess/pseuds/DistracttheGoddess
Summary: After an embarrassing moment with the Warden, Alistair wanders off to solve a problem of his own creation.





	Imaginary Advice

“You’re a complete moron!” he berates himself. “Give it a shot? Who even says that?” He runs his hands down his face in a mortified agony. His beautiful companion offers him everything he's been dreaming of and he offers to _give it a shot._ He bumps his forehead against a nearby tree, hitting it with a soft thump. And then again. And once more for good measure.

He hopes in vain that the earth will swallow him up so he won't have to return to camp and face that sweet smile and “Let's forget about it for now.” Fresh mortification washes over him and nervous energy has him pushing away from the tree and speed walking away like he can escape the feeling of embarrassment cloying at him.

It's not the he doesn't _want_ to do that with her. Because he does. He really _really_ does. But she deserves so much more than just a quick tryst in the center of a crowded campsite. They'd reach Denerim by next week, perhaps he could use some of his money to get a room at the Gnawed Noble.

Maker, his palms were sweaty at the thought. Lucky she couldn't see him now or all thoughts of taking him to her bed would quickly vanish. Bumbling and sweating. Would a room in Denerim even be better though? I mean, walls, always good so there's that. A bed that has _definitely_ been used for unsavory purposes, less good.

What should he do? He wants her there was no denying that. He wants to show her what she means to him. Wants to massage her body, caress her gently, pamper her in a way he was sure she'd never gotten, but she truly deserved.

At least that's what the book he swiped from Wynne said should happen. It was a bit contradictory from what the Grey Wardens had said at some riotous meals, but since most of those were single men, he was willing to heed the advice of a book written by a woman.

Should he ask one of his companions for advice? His face flamed at just the thought of that. How would you even bring that up casually?

Zevran would tease him mercilessly and most assuredly offer very good, very _detailed_ advice. If not an outright offer to show him what to do. The thought had some merit, but Alistair's face burned anew at the thought of _that_ scenario playing out.

Leliana would probably tease him as well, and simply tell him to follow his instincts. _Follow his instincts._ What kind of garbage advice was that?

Wynne was out of the question. Asking someone you consider a grandmotherly figure sex advice would be more uncomfortable than watching Zevran seduce a tavern maid.

Sten. Had Sten even been with a woman? Didn't Morrigan ask him that when they were lost in the Brecilian Forest? He couldn't remember for the life of him, but he did remember laughing.

That brings up Morrigan. Hell no. No way would he open himself up for that kind of ridicule. He had enough embarrassment without inviting it.

Oghren would be graphic much the same as Zevran but in a _much less_ helpful way. Knowing thirty different ways to refer to a woman's velvet hat didn't seem like it would make itself relevant if he ever got the nerve to forge the moaning statue.

That left... Shale. Well... could Shale even... do that? They'd made it clear that they don't remember much about being a dwarf and brought up a severe distaste for any human necessities, particularly the ones involving fluids. Shale would be no help either.

Looks like he was on his own. Unless, he laughed humorlessly, unless he asked the other warden what she wanted. Wait. Could he do that? Is that something people do during sex? It seemed like the simplest way to make sure everyone had the best time. He then had a moments pause where he imagined telling her exactly what he wanted in bed and his thoughts developed a stutter. So maybe that wasn't the best plan. If he couldn't even think the words, he imagined he'd have trouble saying them out loud. It seemed like imaginary-Leliana's garbage follow your instincts advice was actually the best. Or at least the one he felt like he could follow. In a way. Maybe she'd take charge! The thought of that swooped low in his belly.

His eyes glanced back toward the camp. He wanted her so badly. Tender kisses by the campfire and soft teasing touches while they trained weren't enough anymore. He needed to know how she felt wrapped in his arms, pressed together, to show her he loved her with more than just his words.

Next week in Denerim, he was going to find them some privacy and give her the night she deserved.

 


End file.
